As I drive back from the shops with the girls, one of them reads out a sign pointing to Crowborough, and I tell them M#2 was born in that town, in a birthing pool.
M#1: Was your friend Becky with you in the pool?
Me: Err no, I was on my own in the pool.
M#1: [Insistent] I thought Emma and Becky were with you in the pool?
Me: No it was a small pool there was only room for one person. And it was just daddy there with me. And the midwives.
M#1: Oh I was thinking of something else.. [suddenly suspicious] but you were wearing a swimming costume weren’t you?!
Me: Well, no…I wasn’t or the baby wouldn’t have been able to come out!
M#1: [Visibly shocked] Oh!
Me: [Hastily] but I was in the water so they couldn’t see me ..
M#1: [Relieved] Oh good, that’s alright then
Me: [Rethinking my spin on things] ..but it’s ok if midwives and doctors see me without clothes. They needed to see me to help the baby, your sister, come out. And you. Also if you are not well sometimes or you hurt yourself, a doctor may need to see you without clothes. They see hundreds of bodies each week so they are used to it. They are there to help you.
M#1: [Accepting this reasoning] Okay but what about the men?
Me: You can have men doctors and women doctors and if they are medical professionals it’s ok if they see you without clothes.
M#1: No I mean what about if a man hurts himself?
Me: Oh he would get undressed too!
M#1: [Gasps] Oh! Poor men! I wouldn’t want to be a MAN and have a doctor see me!
Me: [Bemused] Why ever not?
M#1: Because of their private parts!
Me: But what about *our* private parts?!
M#1: [Talking to me like I’m slightly slow] Because they have a *willy*!
M#2: It’s a penis!
M#1: [Irritated] That’s the same thing as a willy!
Me: But so what ?! We also have private parts ..
M#1: Yes, but we don’t have a willy! Poor them…
Me: (!!!)
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Calamitous Mummy 