When it hurts more to punch, than to be punched..
When she’s overtired, six-year-old MiniM#1 can get a tad tetchy with her little sister. Last night was no exception. She got annoyed with MiniM#2 for taking up space in the bath, and for singing songs too loudly: “STOP SINGING!” The final straw was when MM#1 had set the egg timer and begun cleaning her teeth, MM#2 stopped it because she wanted to clean her teeth too and start from the beginning. So, she flung her hand back and thumped her little sister hard on the back, with all her might, and there was a loud scream! I could hear DH, on bath duty, shout at MM#1 to go to her room.
Four-year-old MM#2 comes to see me in the room next door, tears streaming down her face, and showed me the red hand mark on her back. I soothe her and say what MM#1 had done was very wrong, but suggest maybe not carrying on singing if it was clearly annoying her sister and she was asking her nicely to stop. She pauses, looks at me, and says so sweetly without a trace of irony in her voice: ‘Oh sorry mummy, I didn’t hear her saying please’. I admit, she has me there…
MM#2 is now calm. MM#1, who has said sorry to her sister, is still sobbing her eyes out: “Daddy shouted at me and told me to get out.”
“That’s because you thumped your sister. You must never thump people. You have to talk nicely to people and then speak to mummy and daddy if there is still a problem.”
“But it was too late, she had already stopped the timer.”
“Well thumping her isn’t going to solve the situation. I know you were angry but next time, maybe wait for your little sister before starting the timer.”
She sobs uncontrollably. Her little sister then does a truly beautiful thing: she reaches out to comfort her. “Please don’t be sad. I love you.” She wraps her arms around her sister and hugs her, and tells her: “Don’t cry, it will be OK. Let me brush your hair.” And the four-year-old lovingly brushes the six-year-old’s hair until they are both smiling again.
I’m in awe about how someone so little, who has just been smacked on the back, can show so much forgiveness, love and empathy towards her ‘aggressor.’ I’m not sure I would have been quite so forgiving. Her sister is clearly more upset about hitting, than her sibling was about being hit, as she knew it caused hurt and upset.
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Calamitous Mummy 